<- 0 +| ,shamees

[tantan]

1. Denial

The soldiers were like the elderly. After service to society had been squeezed out from their youthful lives, they were cast aside to be taken care of. After the four-year-long civil war, the soldiers were able to return home with continued psychological help, because their battles lived on in their future against themselves.

Many instantly turned away in disgust, refusing to acknowledge that the war had crippled them beyond lost limbs. They had families to see and graves to visit. Being reminded of the war just when it was over was the least thing they wanted.

Yet when the soldier in question was a nineteen-year-old, they all turned around, looking for him. Those that had managed to catch the elusive young man, departing without farewells, tried swaying him by words but at most, they threatened to tie him down. Force had been so easy for them to do because that was how war was done, that was what war taught them, that was how war changed them.

"You need help."

No child who joined and lived through a war by the age of fifteen could ever grow up right.

"No," he responded, defiance curling by his hands. He was so still they expected him to move without warning, to lash out just as he always did when he was overwhelmed. The harder they forced masks on themselves, the worst their worsts turned to be.

His shoulders sagged in relaxation, a submission to hopelessness. "It's too late."

At that time, the soldiers spoke of his bravery to accept the truth as they had been unable to even gaze at it. The fear of looking at the gaping hole too big to mend, which the young man had acknowledged with resignation. They thought at the tender age of fifteen, he already knew of this outcome and was no shock to him.

Years later after knowing better of their own pain, they came to realize the error they made by letting him go. Just like the rest of them, he hadn't come in terms with the truth either, mistaking his confession for understanding.

The soldiers had refused their own weakness and denied needing help. Shamees had refused himself and denied needing salvation.

It was a tragedy to see the youth believe he was beyond redemption. Even worst is when he believes the entire world was as well.

[tantan]

2. The fool

The adamant dull, gems in his eyes pleaded guilty but his continued, insolent stand before officers snapped back with a cheekier retort. The blows on the cheeks and the stomach struck him unbalanced but he never relented even when beaten to a pulp.

He stood upright in an instant, never cowering from anything that dared to hurt him. He'd like to believe he was strong, that there was something he was in control of in his life, no matter how self-destructive.

That was how he swore to survive and this decision he'd made for himself, the single freedom he'd been allowed to wish upon, was a thing he would never compromise. It was all he had.

He'd bear through the consequences and die trying, because a foolish death was more satisfying than a foolish life.

[tantan]

3. The girl and her murderer

A conversation that was nothing out of ordinary, just sweet and nostalgic.

"Mommy, there's a monster under my bed, I'm scared."

"Honey, we've looked and there was nothing. You were brave enough to look under it too, right?"

"I know, I know, I was so scared but I think it's still there!"

"Well, you know how your father always told you how wishes come true?"

"Mm! Believe in them!"

"That's right. What if you don't believe in them? Do you remember what happens?"

"They don't come true. They won't be real."

"That's right! So what happens if you don't believe there's a monster under your bed?"

"There's no monster! No monster!"

When she was alone in her bed, her parents dead - the war upon them - the monster had come out.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I DO-"

[tantan]

4. Smile

"Listen, if you smile more often then people would leave you alone."

[tantan]

5. Love

"Only those that can love can hate so much. The question is who is it that you love? Is it yourself, to the point of narcissism? Or others, to the point of martyrdom? Or do you simply want to be loved?"

He looked at the monk strangely, rigid and tense as a hand extended to comfort him by the shoulder. The effort wasn't to move away but to remain still. If he swatted him away then it would mean he was affected, but he wasn't because he didn't understand. It made no sense to him as to why he would relate to him such a foreign word.

When he realized the monk knew the game he was playing and taunted him with a humming grin, Shamees took the hand and broke it.

He got into trouble but that was nothing new.

[tantan]

5.1. -

"The little bird that grieved worried about the faraway sky,
covered by a curse, the sky vanished."

- "EXEC_VIENA/." from Ar Tonelico 2

[tantan]

6. The quiet type

That moment when people talk about you as if you weren't there.

[tantan]

7. Shyness

He stood afar from a distance, a child set apart from others by adults. So he believed their attitude without knowing anything and condemned the carefree laughter of boys and girls running in circles, all the while imagining himself to be part of their silly, little group.

[tantan]

8. The right thing

It wasn't his tone, attitude, or authority that made them concede. There was no bitterness, spite, nor wounded pride afterward. He was fifteen, roughly five foot tall, and had the voice of a meek, young girl. He rarely spoke - they tried forcing him, tried to make him scream but he never gave in. He was a presence ignored in the background, only yanked out for their amusement. They weren't evil men, oh no. They did it all knowing it wasn't right but had turned away from the mirror, not seeing how twisted they were becoming until he pointed it out.

"Don't."

The soldiers pulled away, one of them sending one last kick at the battered old man on the dirt. The old man let out a frightened scream that fell on deaf ears, too used to the hellish wails in the battlefield. When they turned around to meet who had his conscience break, unable to stand the violence they knew was wrong, they were surprised.

And he even went on, looking at each of them steadily in total neutrality. "A soldier's job is to protect people. You're doing the opposite."

"The villagers could be plotting with the enemy. This is war. You can never be too careful. We have to do everything that's necessary."

"That's not for you to decide."

"What if there's a trap - "

"We get trapped."

"- that will wipe us out?"

"We die."

"That's bullshit!"

"You're bullshi-"

The butt of the machine gun hit him on the head. The other soldiers immediately pulled the offender back before it got worse. Blood trickled down Shamees' face but the blow didn't silence him.

"Don't you think we're just giving them a REASON to go against us?" he snarled, red painting his single eye. "The orders were-"

"To find if the village is housing rebels! You don't honestly believe they'll openly admit it if we come here ASKING nicely!" He elbowed the men away from him, stomping out of the house, not without intentionally bumping on the young soldier, hitting his smaller form with his superior bulk. "You might be good with killing and guns, but you're still a fucking kid."

The other soldiers followed him, each glancing at Shamees with pity. One of them held one hand to his shoulder, saying quietly in a paternal tone, "you did the right thing. I'm sorry."

He gritted his teeth. "Shut. Up."

[tantan]

9. The curtains are made out of the reaper's robes

The lieutenant was weary of the war but like her colleagues, she found it most difficult to fall asleep. They lived only in quick dozes, spending more time being awake in this nightmare. To keep her going in cold nights, she'd think of her son's warm bed back home and imagine how peaceful his slumbers were.

"Hello, colonel," she greeted through the transmission. "Not an urgent news?"

"Nah, just a report," came a deep, light voice on the other end. "Our patrol found an injured boy on the roads. Told them to bring him here for medical attention. He looks about fourteen. I actually bumped his age up since boys his age mature late."

The lieutenant laughed. "You would know, wouldn't you?"

"So would you," the man replied. "I don't know how we'd send him to his parents. There aren't any towns nearby. He must have strayed from his family during evacuation. Or he might have lost them already..."

"The princess wouldn't disapprove of your efforts," the woman said softly. "But I don't think we should risk our men for one civilian."

"Yeah, I know, I know. I'm not asking for extra help for the lad. We'll keep him until we can drop him off to a village. Hopefully, we get a good karma out of this good deed and stay alive until then."

"Of course." The lieutenant smiled. "The queen have already shed her mask and showed how evil she is. We won't do anything to soil the princess' name."

There was a silent agreement between them, the reason that pulled them together to band against the monarchy.

"Does the kid remind you of yours?" the lieutenant asked, going for a change of a subject before she ended the call.

The colonel chuckled. "Not at all. Think he's a foreigner, or have a foreign blood. Pale, blue eyes, and white hair. Don't think it's dye because that's just crazy."

"You'll be surprised what kids do these days," the lieutenant said. "I want things to stabilize soon so I don't miss out on my kid's childhood too much."

"Yeah...I think that's enough power abuse for tonight. See you soon, Lieutenant Moin."

"Good night, Colonel Romulus."

As soon the Lieutenant Moin turned off the call, her face slowly changed to horror.

"What's the matter, Lieutenant?" a soldier asked, alarmed by her sudden paleness.

A boy with blue eyes and white hair. Those were the last words of a good friend of hers. Colonel Romulus and his troops were in danger.

"Connect me to Colonel Romulus again! NOW!" she shouted.

The soldier followed quickly, saving the questions for later. "Yes, ma'm!"

No one answered the call.